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found this at http://stufffchristianslike.blogspot.com/.  it is pretty accurate if you ask me

The superhero guide to famous pastors.

One of the things we Christians like is famous pastors. I’m talking about the pastors with big ministries, big books and every now and then, big teeth. But I think it’s getting harder to keep them straight. There are so many. That’s why, in the vein of the GI Joe Bible guide, I decided to do a superhero guide to famous pastors. I’m sure someone has called Rick Warren “Superman” before but I sincerely doubt anyone has compared Beth Moore to Wonder Woman. Let’s begin:

Joel Osteen = Iron Man
According to the show “60 Minutes,” Joel Osteen can bench press 300 pounds, which is slightly more than I can. But that’s not why I think he’s like Iron Man. If you haven’t seen the movie, Iron Man is an incredibly rich, confident man named Tony Stark that develops a suit that helps him fight crime. Unlike almost every other superhero, he holds a press conference and actually tells the world he is Iron Man. I kind of feel that way about Osteen. Not that I have anything against him, but I don’t think he hates being on the cover of books and magazines and television shows. He seems like someone who, like Tony Stark, is not afraid of the spotlight. And he also has a giant iron world that spins behind him on stage, which seemed to be a perfect tie in to the Iron Man reference. Plus he got a $13 million advance for his last book so he’s rich like Iron Man.

Beth Moore = Wonder Woman
My mother in law would leg drop me if I ever said anything negative about Beth Moore. But regardless of that imminent danger, I don’t have anything bad to say. I just think she’s kind of like Wonder Woman. My wife is doing a Beth Moore Bible study right now with some other girls. Every now and then, when Moore ignites a passionate idea or a thought, her voice raises up from our living room like Wonder Woman. In my head I imagine Moore banging her wrists together like Wonder Woman. Scattering lies and Biblical confusion aside like so many bad guys and then climbing into her invisible plane and flying back to Texas. What? I’m the only one that thinks that? Fine.

TD Jakes = The Incredible Hulk
Why the Hulk? OK, which African American superhero would you have picked? It’s not my fault that there aren’t any good African American superheroes. Blame Marvel Comics and Stan Lee. I happen to think this one works though. Have you ever seen TD Jakes? I am pretty sure he could snap me like a twig. He’s a big, imposing dude. And the Incredible Hulk is no weakling. Plus, look at the titles of TD’s books, they sound like the name of Hulk movies, “He-motions,” “Overcoming the Enemy” or “It will come out in the fire.” (Spawn was African American but kind of creepy.)

Craig Groeschel = Spider Man
Groeschel is the lead pastor at Lifechurch.tv, what many people call the most influential church in America. I chose Spiderman because the one time I saw Groeschel speak, he was incredibly animated. He told a story about getting an electric shock while doing some plumbing. (Spiderman got his powers from being bitten by a radioactive spider. Groeschel got shocked. Both stories involve energy, coincidence?) He put his whole body into the story, virtually swinging about the stage as he told it. It was great, and reminded me of Spiderman.

Andy Stanley = Batman
Batman does not have any super powers. His strength lies in being incredibly prepared and incredibly smart. Andy Stanley is similar. If you look at him, he doesn’t physically look like the super pastor he is. He’s not that tall, he doesn’t have over tanned glowing skin or big teeth that blind you with their whiteness. He doesn’t look like Tony Robbins or someone famous. But like Batman, he seems to accomplish superhuman things. And Batman also had an established father in the city of Gotham, a widely respected man named “Dr. Wayne.” Andy has an established father in the city of Atlanta, a widely respected man named “Dr. Charles Stanley.” Batman had Alfred, a faithful employee that made the bat cave run. Andy has his secretary who is amazing and makes that office run. I could go on and on but I don’t want to play favorites.

Rob Bell = The Green Arrow
You are not like me. You probably dated instead of reading comic books in high school. So let me enlighten you about this one. The Green Arrow was a fancy superhero. He had a little green hat with a feather and the world’s most well manicured goatee. Does Rob Bell have a goatee? No, but you can’t tell me he’s not a little fancy. In some of the Nooma videos he has frosted tips/bleached blonde hair. As someone that once had highlights that brought out the dark charcoal nature of his eyes, I declare that to be fancy. And he’s single handedly started a trend with those glasses. Plus, the Green Arrow was a communist. He was known for having progressive ideas and stretching the way we think. Rob’s certainly not a communist but regardless of what you think, there’s no denying that he has some progressive ideas floating around in that head.

Billy Graham = Thor
Thor is a Viking superhero that seems to have been around for centuries. He’s incredibly powerful, feels at home in the mountains and is respected by all. Thor floats above the silly squabbles and was doing all of this when most other superheroes were still in diapers. Same with Billy Graham. He’s one of the founding fathers of famous pastors. He’s been at this for decades, calls the mountains of North Carolina his home and is respected by all. If I had accepted Lord of the Rings’ characters into this post he would have been Gandalf, but for now I feel good about Thor.

Rick Warren = Superman
Batman calls Superman “the boy scout” because he’s so good natured and humble. I feel the same way about Warren. I love that he didn’t insist on having his picture on the cover of his wildly successful book “The Purpose Driven Life.” I love that he gives 90% of his salary back to his church. And I love that even in the face of some serious family health issues he stands strong. Does Warren have the full head of hair that Superman has? Maybe not, but some days, I think he is indeed the man of steel.

Ed Young = Captain America
Captain America is like apple pie, Betsy Ross, eagles and everything else that represents America all rolled into one. I feel the same way about Ed Young. Hailing from Texas, which I personally do not mess with, he seems like the quintessential famous American pastor. He’s got this big, magnetic personality that seems to fill a room. He’s got a massive church and a ministry that is growing like wildfire. And he carries a round shield like Captain America that he throws at people he catches sleeping in his sermons. (OK, I made up that last part.)

Mark Driscoll = Hancock
Wow, how timely is this one. Hancock is the superhero movie Will Smith has coming out right now. In the film, he plays a reluctant hero that is rough around the edges and grittier than most other superheroes. That’s Mark Driscoll to me. He seems to be a little more raw, a little more direct than some of the other pastors I know. And he makes mistakes, which he admits and airs pretty openly. Which I dig. Plus, like Rob Bell, he tends to elicit strong emotion in people. You don’t feel OK about Mark, you love or hate him. And I think that’s a good thing. I don’t want middle of the road superheroes.

Am I wrong? Did I miss someone? Should Erwin McManus have been Wolverine? Hard to tell, but I hope this helps you distinguish between famous pastors and that some day Andy Stanley will wear a Batman utility belt when he preaches. Is that too much to ask for?

 

i found this at http://www.wittenburgdoor.com/noahs-blog and thought it was great….enjoy..

Noah’s Blog

By Kevin

Created 07/09/2008 - 21:57

 

Day 1
Rain.

Day 2
Rain.

Day 3
Rain.

Day 4
Rain.

Day 5
Rain.

Day 6
So I was loading up the last of the animals last week when I walk past my neighbor Roger, the Molech-worshipper. He looks up and says “Hey, looks like rain.”

True story.

Day 7
Now wondering if it was wrong to have borrowed Roger’s hedge clippers.

Day 15
It’s been the same every day for the last two weeks, but then last night, our mama elephant gave birth. I’ll put up some pics soon.

Day 16

Just look at this little guy. We need to name him something. Anybody have an idea?

Day 18
Note to self: next time I’m on a long cruise and I want to play badminton and I only have one birdie, play below deck. I’m so stupid.

Day 20
I hesitate to write this down, but here goes. . . .

I was working late last night when I felt something bite the back of my neck. Without thinking, I slapped it. Long story short, the new world might have to do without the zhingi-zhingi fly.

Day 25
New Year’s Day. A few resolutions for this year:

- Lose weight (let’s face it, I’m not 300 years old anymore)

- Work out more

- Read the entire Bible (there’s only four chapters in the whole thing, you think I would have done this one already)

-After we land, once a week: date night with the missus.

Day 27
Not to diss my great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandfather, but I’ve been hanging out with animals a lot, too, and I think I would have named some of them differently…

ADAM’S NAME MY VERSION
Rabbit Hoppity-hoppity

Dog Rowrf

Bat EEEEEEEEEE!!!

Duck Waddle-waddle-flap-flap

Day 31
You guys read this blog. You know I love my wife, right? But I swear, sometimes she just gets on my nerves.

“The roof is leaking, Noah.”

“Noah, the sheep are soaking wet because the roof is leaking.”

You know what? Sometimes Noah just needs a little Noah Time, okay?

Day 35
Here’s an item from the “you-learn-something-every-day” category: Hippo lovemaking is very, very noisy. Haven’t slept in five days.

P.S. I counted every knot in the cypress wood of the ship: 12,946.

Day 39

Somehow Ham keeps winning at UNO. Does he have a secret stash of Draw 4’s?

Correction: Earlier I wrote that the wood of our ship has 12,946 knots. However, I forgot to include the cover on the top deck. I included that, then recounted the entire thing three more times, just to be sure.

We have 14,598 knots.

Day 45
Okay, so when God said he would make it rain forty days and forty nights, I assumed that we would be done after that. Apparently I was wrong.

Day 87
Very, very wrong.

Day 110
The wife says I’m getting paranoid, but I believe the primates are conspiring to mutiny. Can’t talk, more later.

Day 150
We’ve landed on top of some kind of mountain. More later.

Day 190
Sent out a dove, but it came back.

Day 197

This time, the dove came back with an olive branch. Going now to ask the wife if she has any recipes with doves and olives.

Day 204
Sent the dove out again today to bring back some more olives for dinner, but it didn’t come back. So good news is we may be off the boat and onto dry land soon. Bad news: Mrs. Noah’s Greek Dove Souffle is a no-go.

Day 231
So we’re on land now. Yay! Big thanks to everybody who wrote to check on us. BTW, my new e-mail address is noah@mtararat.com [1]. I’ll still post from time to time, to keep you guys up to date. To answer a question that so many of you have asked, no, I don’t have a MySpace page yet.

Man, I could really use a drink.

 

Cush’s Essay
Here’s something my grandson Cush wrote for a school assignment. . . .

MY DAD
by Cush, age 7

My dad, his first name is Ham, was on a big boat one time. They floated around for more than a year. That’s a long time!! They said when they got off the boat, the ground was really squishy. YUCK! We still have the boat and I play in it sometimes and have lots of fun.

The eNd.

 

Noah’s Favorite Drinks

Drowned Unicorn
Cranberry juice 1 pim
Orange juice 1 pim
Strawberry schnapps 1 pim
Vodka 1 pim

Add the vodka and strawberry schnapps to a highball glass filled with ice cubes. Use equal parts of cranberry and orange juice to fill the glass. Serve with a straw.

 

Mt. Ararat Iced Tea
Tequila 1 shekel
Vodka 1 shekel
Gin 1 shekel
Triple sec 1 shekel
Coke 1 shekel
Rum 1 shekel

Mix ingredients together over ice in a glass.

 

Rainbow Shooter
Creme De Noya 1 pim
Midori 1 pim
White Creme De Cacao 1 pim

Pour into shot glass in said order

 

Ark Mania!
Everybody’s been writing me, asking for blueprints. Honestly, I didn’t have any. If you’ve read the story, you know everything about building an ark that I do. I will say this: don’t skimp on the pitch. Seriously.

Thanks to everyone who’s been sending in pics of the arks they’ve built (see below). Keep ‘em coming!

About Noah’s Blog

NOAH
Because of Noah’s righteousness, God chose him to be part of an incredible adventure. You can read more about him in Genesis, chapters 5-9.

i am the type of guy that really hates boundaries. as a kid, if there was an “off limits” sign posted, i would make it a challenge to prove it wrong.  i remember as a teen, we would ignore the “danger” signs that were posted on electrical towers, and would try to climb those things. man that was stupid!!! as i have grown, i have realized that boundaries are essential in our lives to keep us focused.

one thing that will ensure boundaries are priorities.  it is amazing to me the people that i have made contact with who do not have priorities set in their lives. and they wonder why their life is in such disarray.  my priorities have always been this:

1. relationship with God

2. family

3. everything else

my relationship with God is just that. my personal connection to Him.  my daily, personal time with Him. it is not and will never be my ministry. that does and will always be after my family. my family is the second most important part of my life.  my relationship with my awesome wife is totally number one on the family list. my relationship with my hard headed boys is second to my wife.  friends will come and go but family will be with you till the end.  i do not want to have any regrets concerning my relationship with my family at the end of my life.

everything else falls below these 2 things. work, ministry, recreation business opportunities, and the list could go on and on. priorities set the boundaries of our life.  the right order of priorities help make right decisions. in other words, you know what to say “no” to and you know what to say “yes” to.  boundries keep the things out that are never suppose to enter in.  just like the “danger” sign.  it is there for protection. when God created this earth, he placed boundaries on the ocean. if the ocean ever exceeds its boundries, there would be massive flooding and major lose of life. the same is true, when we have no boundries in our life. things that were never suppose to be there, will come in and destroy something great.  examples would be work or ministry invading our relationship with family. my boys could care less that i was someones, pastor…they want daddy.  my wife wants her husband and i want my wife.  boundaries…without that comes destruction in a family.

if you do not have priorities set…..stop what you are doing a set them.  life will be a lot easier and your progress can then be measured on what you have accomplished.

have you ever just wanted to choke the life out of someone? has someone really ticked you off to the point you wished they no longer resided on planet earth? if we’re honest with ourselves, the answer would be a resounding “yes” to both questions.

there are even situations that happen in our lives(things that we cannot physically touch) that we would love to wrap our hands around and sufficate the life out of. I know right now, there are a few things that are happening with me that I would love to put 6 feet under. that is another post by itself. 

i was reading in the book of genesis the other day and came across this scripture in genesis 49:8

Judah, your brothers shall praise you;
your hand shall be on the neck of your enemies;
your father’s sons shall bow down before you.

to understand this, you must first know that judah, means praise.  so we can read this as “our praise can choke out, sufficate, and stop our enemy!” i have always been a person who believed that our praise is a powerful weapon. it is a weapon that is so sadly over looked by most people.  when we think of praise, we have images of people dancing, shouting, waving flags or “hankies,” and that scares us to death.  we just can’t fathom ourselves doing those things.

remember this about praise…..it is not about a body movement. it is about a heart revelation. i have seem many people get up and “move,” but they have no idea who God is. i have seen people wave flags, but are only looking for the hand of God and not his face(identity).  when we realize who we are serving and who is in control, praise will flow and it will be genuine. not worked up. no hype. just true authentic praise to the the Soverign God of the universe.

the next time you want to choke the life out of your enemy, problem, or situation…….just praise Him

as many already know, we have resigned as lead pastor at new journey church in maryland, and have moved back to south carolina. there were multiple reasons for this move. the primary was due to the battle that my father is facing with cancer.  today, i had the opportunity to preach at a house church that is being established in our area.  to be honest, my first thought when asked to preach, was “here is a bunch of disgruntled church people who can’t get their way…”  After all, that’s our first thought when we hear about a “new group” meeting somewhere.

i was pleasantly surprised as we pulled up to the house and found not a group of mad, angry people, but a people who very much just want to be the church. there were between 20-30 people in the house. the ages ranged from 10 -65.  they were from different backgrounds and different beliefs.  most were baptist and did not mind the fact that i was a Spirit-filled believer.  i did promise i wouldn’t swing from their ceiling fan.  the service began with an opening prayer and then i was given the floor.  as i spoke, i could see the hunger, these people in whom i did not know have for the the Word of God. they did not seem to care, that the phone rang during the service. they didn’t seem to care people were getting up and going to the kitchen for more coffee. they just wanted to hear from God. nothing else mattered.

at the end of my sermon, we prayed.  There was no shouting, or dancing, or screaming….just unity. here was a pentecostal preacher speaking to a predominantly baptist group agreeing together that the mission of Jesus Christ and our daily relationship with Him was of the utmost importance in our life and the Presence of God was felt by all. i can’t help but think, that God was happy with what happened today. it was almost like living in 1st century where people gathered together and experienced God and fellowshipped with believers and then going out and making a difference.

 i have often heard people ask “if your church closed down, would your community know?” my question is this….”would people be affected if you were no longer engaged in their life?” we have been called to be engaged in the lives of those we come in contact with.  some will be minor encounters, others may last a lifetime.  the question is….did you make a difference at that time?  there is no doubt these people I met today will impact others. maybe more so that some “churches.”  

below is a quote from the book the forgotten ways by alan hirsch:

“if you want to build a ship, don’t summon people to buy wood, prepare tools, distribute jobs, and organize the work. rather teach people the yearning for the wide, boundless ocean.”

in the 1st century, the early church could be clearly seen as people who had a passion for people. when people became followers of Christ, they pursued others to do they same. they built relationships with people and lived life together as a community of believer’s……and it grew. they didn’t isolate themselves from others but shared their faith in Jesus Christ to all who listened. somewhere over the last 20 centuries we seem to have lost what the 1st century church seem to do with excellence.  we live in a society and culture that teaches isolation and self-sufficiency.  the advancement of the internet has literally produced an avenue where an individual can literally live their entire life and have no physical interaction with another person.

isolation and self-sufficiency flies in the face of the mission of Jesus.  the only time we see Christ alone was when He was spending time with the Father.  other than that, he was always building relationships with others around him. he was on a mission. a mission to show people there was a better Way.  you see, God has blessed us with the need to need others. in the very beginning of creation, God spoke and said that everything He created was good…….except for on thing.  in Genesis 2: 18, He said it was not good for us to be alone. in a time where most people are too busy to build relationships and most don’t even know who their neighbors are, we are failing at the very thing God himself said was not good.

in order to return back to the early church passion for people, we must get back to loving people just as a ship builder must have an appreciation for the ocean to build a quality ship.  for without an appreciation for people, we cannot build a church of quality in a time where quantity has become the most important.  we must become missional minded and realize that as a follower of Christ, it is our job to show others Christ in the world we live in and not just hope they bump into Him by accident.

• i would really hate to be the guys that had to clean up new york city last night
• i wish people would all set their clocks to the same time so all the fireworks would go off at the same time. there were people shooting “cannons” 30 minutes past midnight.
• 2007 on average was a good year…not a great year
• looking forward to what 2008 holds
• i don’t like collard greens and black eye peas..guess i will be broke in ‘08
• i am getting pretty good at online call of duty 4…my screen name is billy_the_kid66 if anyone wants to give me a shout out. one warning. i take no prisoners
• yesterday was my 19th anniversary with my awesome wife. that surely constitutes a medal or something….lol
• clemson played a good game against auburn, but i thought they should have passed more. maybe the outcome would have been a little different.

happy new year….

last week, i promised bryce that we would take him and a couple of his friends to see the new movie i am legend, with will smith. which meant, i was going to have to deal with the christmas mall madness on a friday night with a possible winter storm looming on the horizon. i was really looking forward to this…….not.  upon entering the parking lot (after the 3 miles of break lights) i started looking for my victim. you know, the one walking out of the store that you eye from across the parking lot to see which aisle they are heading down so you can take their parking space?? i spotted mine and so did the car the next aisle over.  i knew it was on then.  i sped up and started weaving through the parking lot like a man on a mission.  no longer was getting the boys to the movie on time the objective…..i was going to win this battle of dominance, not matter what.  after all, i was in a full size ford bronco and my opponent was driving a…………mini cooper.  my ego would just not allow me to be embarrassed by a cooper. 

as we both started down our respective isle, i began to think of all things…….what would Jesus do in this situation.  after all, i not only had my boys in the truck but also their friends that i had just met. what type of impression would i make by trying to beat the other guy. after all, Jesus would have given up the parking space and moved on.  let me say this. it is very difficult to try to be Christ like when you have 5 boys yelling, “you can beat him dad!!!” “you can beat him mr. kinley, don’t let him get it!!!!!” “faster, faster, faster!!!!”

i am not going to reveal the outcome of this “competition.”  let’s just say that we made it to the movies on time….

God bless and remember this little verse in Proverbs 11:2

 
FIRST DEGREE
A married couple were asleep when the phone rang
At 2 in the morning.
The very blonde wife picked up the
Phone, listened a moment and said “How should I
Know, that’s 200 miles from here!” and hung up.
The husband said, “Who was that?” The wife answered, “I don’t know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear.”
 
SECOND DEGREE
Two blondes are walking down the street. One
Notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down
To pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror
And says, “Hmm, this person looks familiar.” The
Second blonde says, “Here, let me see!” So the
First blonde hands her the compact. The second one looks in the mirror and says, “You dummy, it’s me!”
 
THIRD DEGREE
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on
Her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to
His apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the
Door she finds him in the arms of a redhead.
Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her
Purse to take out the gun, and as she does so,
She is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and
Puts it to her head.
The boyfriend yells, “No, honey, don’t do it!!!”
The blonde replies, “Shut up, you’re next!”
 
FOURTH DEGREE
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of
State capitals. She proudly says, “Go ahead, ask
Me, I know all of them.” A friend says, “OK,
what’s the capital of Wisconsin ?” The blonde replies, “Oh, that’s easy: W.”
 
FIFTH DEGREE
What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told
Her she was pregnant? “Is it mine?”
 
 
SIXTH DEGREE
Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA
Freshman, sat in her US government class. The
Professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs.
Wade was about. Bambi pondered the question then
Finally said, “That was the decision George
Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware ”
 
SEVENTH DEGREE
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to
Find her house ransacked and burglarized. She
Telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.
The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the
Radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby, was the
First to respond. As the K-9 officer approached
The house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran
Out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the
Cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps.
Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, “I
Come home to find all my possessions stolen. I
Call the police for help, and what do they do?
They send me a BLIND policeman.”

why is it, we are surprised when the holidays get here?  its not like we don’t know when they are coming. but yet when they arrive, we flip out. i know for angela and i, this time is especially busy because both bryce and jared have birthday’s this month.  not to mention our wedding anniversary is this month also.  and no……we did not plan it this way either.  we could never have guessed that our boys would have been born 7 days apart.  today was jared’s. he turned 11.  next sunday is bryce’s and he will be 15. he will soon be getting his driving permit which in and of itself is extremely scary.  i will probably start drinking heavily when that happens.  mainly to numb the fact that i have a son that is old enough to drive.

one last thing.  don’t allow this season to become so busy that we forget why we are celebrating.  i want to leave you with this story so that we will not “miss the real reason.”